The question I hate the most is, “When are you going to have a baby?”. That question always stings for many reasons. One reason is I feel like you should NEVER ask a woman this question! Whether or not a person or couple chooses to have a child is personal. I have always wanted to have a large family, especially since I have six siblings. In a perfect world, I would probably have at least three kids by now, but that is not my reality. I have accepted that my journey looks different. Getting pregnant, for me, looks more like planning, charting, science, praying, and more planning.
Sidenote: I could own a mansion with the money spent on pregnancy & ovulation tests!
In October of last year, Rob & I finally decided it was time to reach out to a fertility specialist to see our options. We met with an Endocrinologist who sent us for numerous tests. After completing all of the tests, I was diagnosed with PCOS. PCOS is polycystic ovary syndrome, one of the most common ovulatory disorders. To sum things up, it means that I do not ovulate regularly. This diagnosis was somewhat of a relief because it helped explain why we had not conceived yet. At the same time, it made things very real for us & confirmed that we were going to need some assistance. Our doctor told us that one of our options was IUI, intrauterine insemination. I will be the first to say that I did not know much about IUI; I had heard of IVF multiple times before. Either way, we were ready to start treatment & getting a step closer to having a baby.
Spoiler Alert: Our first infertility treatment failed. I want to preface this by saying that according to WedMD.com, the success rate of IUI is typically 7-10% per cycle. To say I was devasted is an understatement! I tried hard not to get my “hopes up,” but I wished for the best outcome.
Since it was my first treatment, it was tough mentally, physically, and emotionally. Even with all of the research I had done prior, I was not prepared for how my body reacted. As you can imagine, my hormones were all over the place, and I was a hormonal wreck; I am sure it was an excellent time for my husband! Finding out that I was NOT pregnant was tough. Before starting our second cycle, I wanted a break from everything surrounding trying to conceive. I needed time for my body and mental to recover & prepare for the next round.
As you can imagine, we will continue with fertility treatments, and I now have a better understanding of what to expect. I will not sit here & say that it has gotten any easier; I am just a little more prepared. As I mentioned earlier, I never expected this to be my journey to motherhood, but I have finally accepted it. If I could leave you with anything from this blog post is to be gentle with anyone dealing with infertility. It feels isolating; emotions are all over the place, and the number one thing we are always thinking about is, “when am I going to have a baby?”.