In the past, I have been in some pretty unhealthy relationships, this includes romantic partners & friends. I allowed certain people to enter my space and bring along their negative energy. Now that I am out of those relationships, I finally realize how unhealthy they were. I’ve heard people make comments all the time about why women and men stay in toxic relationships. Sometimes outsiders always think they have the perfect answers or solutions to your problems, but they don’t. I’ve shared a little about my toxic relationships in the past and how I was able to move on.
Why does she/he stay?
The age-old question is always, why do you stay? It’s really difficult to answer that, there can be thousands of reasons why someone will stay in a toxic relationship. In my experience, one of the reasons I stayed was because I really believed that person loved me. The second reason was that I started to really believe that I deserved what I was getting. I started to think I would never find anybody to love me, I realize now that I was completely wrong. I also want to state that I do not have any bad feelings towards the people I was in those relationships with, we just were not good together.
Types of Abuse
The two main types of abuse are physical & emotional.
I think that when it comes to physical abuse, it can be harder to leave (believe it or not) because there is another kind of fear involved. Many times in physically abusive relationships there is a fear or retaliation if you leave. There are other reasons like being financially dependent on your abuser, feeling too embarrassed to reach out to friends or family, the list goes on.
Emotional abuse can be easy to overlook. What I mean by that is some people can mask this kind of abuse and make it seem like they do these things because they “love” you. I, personally, have experienced emotional abuse in three of my previous relationships and I didn’t realize that what it was until I began to look these things up. I thought that was what a relationship was supposed to look like. According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline emotional abuse can look like:
- Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
- Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
- Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
- Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
- Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them
It is easy to be judgemental of someone who is in an abusive relationship. Just keep in mind that being judgemental is not helpful. If you know somebody going through this try your best to be open-minded and sensitive to their situation. You never truly know what that person is dealing with on a daily basis. Just by listening to a person vent, or offering emotional support can make a huge difference. I hope that the next time you think to ask “why do you stay?” you remember what you read here. Some things are easier said than done.
Sincerely Chanel 💜