Being the soon-to-be wife of a basketball coach has been interesting, to say the least. I never thought it would be as hard as it has been. When Rob & I first started dating, we were in a long distance relationship. With us being in a long distance relationship, I didn’t realize just how hard things were going to be. I didn’t think that there would be countless days I would eat dinner alone, wake up to an empty apartment or run errands by myself. I definitely didn’t think I would dread being asked: “what are you and your fiancé doing this weekend?” so much. Some days I’m angry, some days I’m sad but every day I know that I love Rob and would go to the end of the world to make us work. So if you want to know what it’s like being the wife (or soon-to-be wife) of a coach, it’s exhausting!
How to Make it Work.
On days/nights when I wake up or go to bed alone, I look for articles from other coach’s wives’. These articles are what keep me going and help me to continue to be supportive. To know that there are many other women out there, just like me, that are dealing with the same issue helps. I read all about how they make it work for their family and how it also isn’t easy for them. Also, I know that if the tables were turned Rob would do the same for me. My fiancé works extremely hard and goes above and beyond to keep me happy. Trust me, I appreciate all of the small and big things he does to make up for how often he is away. To be quite honest, it’s the small gestures that make me smile the most. For example, when he comes home with my favorite snack or surprises me by coming home early, after telling me he won’t be home until I’m asleep. Then, there are the days when he comes straight home and passes out or will slack on his responsibilities around the house. Those are the days that I become overwhelmed.
I never imagined being the house-wife type, waiting on my husband hand & foot. My idea of a marriage was never to be this submissive woman who is always cooking, cleaning and catering to her husbands’ every need, still isn’t. But, when I know he’s worked an almost 60+ hour week, I think of how I can support him. These are the times where I find myself being more of a “housewife” while still trying to stay true to me. There have been days when I’m exhausted and I really just want to order out and go to bed. Then, I think about what he’s going to eat when he gets home. Plus the fact that I am three hours away from my family and I miss them tremendously! I just constantly remind myself of the reason why we are doing what we’re doing. I know that in the end it’s worth it and hearing my fiancé talk about how much he cares about his players helps me see the bigger picture.
The Hardest Part.
The hardest part for me has definitely been realizing that I will be alone, most of the time. So this means that when we start a family, I will be the main caregiver. Especially because I don’t have family close to help me out. Is this what I envisioned for my life? Absolutely not. What I did imagine, though, is having a loving and healthy family with Rob, and that is exactly what we have. The time/distance between us has never changed anything, it has only made us stronger. We lived in two separate states for the first year of our relationship and still made it. Although it was extremely tough we never gave up.
This is only the beginning and I know that it will be a constant emotional rollercoaster. I know that there will be days when I wish he was home more or that he didn’t have to work so hard. Then there will be days when I look at him so amazed because he gets to do what he loves. In the end, I know that this is the road we were meant to travel. I know that I have an amazing partner and I want to reciprocate that.